I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
