listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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