Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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