but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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