I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
