I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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