the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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