oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
