We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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