1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize