my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
