yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
