guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
