Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
