Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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