If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
