I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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