note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I want to fling myself into the sun
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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