What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
