Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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