I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
