Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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