i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
