I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
