dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
In America we eat man semen.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
