I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
