Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
