I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
