Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize