the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
