Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
