Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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