i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
