were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize