either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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