I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
