I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
They have beer where we have blood.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
