i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
NoShamevember. You game?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I supernannyed him into submission
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
