too bad you live with your parents still
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
