when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Damn victory sex feels great
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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