we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize