If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
