i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
