i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
