no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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