Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
