this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
