Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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