Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
