Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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