So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
