it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
