Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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