why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
