Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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