how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
