i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
