I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
