i'm lost and i look like a hooker
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He shit in the fireplace
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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