I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
