I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I look better un-naked...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
