I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
