Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize