dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
