I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
