Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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