It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
