Having a random hookup so left but love u
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
