I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
