so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
