Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
