fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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