i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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