she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
