yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
