It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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