soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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